sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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