yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
