At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
