If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
