What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
porn star boner night. come get it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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