I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am puke
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
