every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
