conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
