the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
