As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
