Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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