SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
