This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
