dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The struggles of a small town man whore
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
