Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
