Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just cut my nipple shaving
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
