I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
