Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
