When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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