Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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