Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
