My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
