That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize