why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
