the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
