i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
