i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
