he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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