Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
