yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Found your dick twin last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
