but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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