when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
