the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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