its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
