I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
