too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
