Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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