and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
