I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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