youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
