if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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