I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
