Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My vagina is officially offended.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
