I wish I could teleport
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
