he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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