i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
