I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
