Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
