i think my tv is drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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