I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
