Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sponge bath it is.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
