i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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