Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
