I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
