Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
