I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
