I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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