I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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