I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
