the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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