Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
