is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize