I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
