HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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