I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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