I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
