There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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