I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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