Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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