My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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