I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
