fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize