my mouth tastes like poor choices
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
