so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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