my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
