um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
