In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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