i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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