there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
did i just pee glitter
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
