I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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