I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
