moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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