Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
